We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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