the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
