Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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