all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Alive.
So much puke
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
