her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
