R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
