I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
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You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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