you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
