the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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