she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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