I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
