sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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