so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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