i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
