hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she pinky promised me she was 18
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
