that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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