Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My vagina just clenched in fear
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
