I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
do herpes really smell.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
