I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You did what with his pubic hair?
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