White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I feel like abortions should bother me more
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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