If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
