I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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