I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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