I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
