And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I party with great urgency now.
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