So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
