First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
