Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
