She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
