Already got asked if we're dating
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
