that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
