okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
