i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
