DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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