Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
