you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
