I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
