yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize