I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
