i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So many bounce houses so little time
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
