don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
if only i could text you this smell
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
