Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Fuck me I smell like cheese
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
