Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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