Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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