pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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