Midget sex pt 2 tonight
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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