I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
