So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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