OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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