I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
