i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
