dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
