Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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