What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
