Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
