you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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