I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
