There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
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I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
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Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.