May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
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Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS