Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?