He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think I won the penis lottery.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done