At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
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We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
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On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.