His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina