It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
