Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you had me at cake vodka
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
