So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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