when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
