that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
