she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
