Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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