So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize