Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
