my room smells like sperm. sweet.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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