She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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