Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
